An Inside Look at the U.S. Supreme Court, A FakeNews Exclusive!

Article III, Section I of the US Constitution established the Supreme Court but directed Congress to decide how to organize it. Shortly after ratification in 1788, the Judiciary Act of 1789 initially determined the Court would be composed of six (6) members — though the number of justices has been nine (9) for most of its history.


Since the Constitution didn’t set a specific number of Justices it’s up to Congress to decide — sooo, in 1801, it set the number to five.


In all its wisdom, Congress increased the number to seven (7) in 1807, to nine (9) in 1837, and to ten (10) in 1863.  But then Congress passed the Judicial Circuits Act of 1866 which reduced the number from ten (10), back to seven (7). The decrease was to take effect as the seats became vacant “naturally”; in other words, as the “sitting” Justice’s departed the realm of the living in the traditional way.


Even so, only two seats were “freed up” by 1869, so there were still eight justices on the Court. Congress again showed their longstanding indecisive nature and added one seat back with The Judiciary Act of 1869, officially setting the number of Justices at nine (9), and the “official” number has not changed since.


At last count, the Court’s Justices still totaled nine (9) and still their Political Party Affiliation, is irrelevant, in theory at least. Regardless, this report will disclose that previous misdeeds do occasionally haunt some members.  


On any given day of the week, life in and around the “Breakroom” just off the Chambers of the US Supreme Court is most often described as the “silent retreat”, save the occasional clinking of coffee cups, and of recent date, the “crunching” sound of Justice Kavanaugh finishing off another ice cold can of Old Milwaukee Light.


Last week, sensational events were spawned within the “silent retreat”, as two (2) US Supreme Court members mysteriously formulated what can only be termed as a conscience when two (2) shocking events sprang into the light of day:  


First, as the world knows, day before yesterday evening, Justice Clarence Thomas announced his resignation - effective immediately – sighting his long-held regret for sexually harassing Miss Anita Hill repeatedly during his tenure as her supervisor at the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) from 1982 to 1990.  


Thomas revealed his scandalous admission in a lengthy Op-ed he drafted within the “Break Room” and then had it published in yesterday evenings DC Times. Therein, he reminded readers, with limited detail, that in 1991, during the heat of his Supreme Court nomination process of the US Senate, “Miss Hill offered to take a polygraph test in an effort to lend credibility to her allegations of sexual misconduct against me”, a maneuver Thomas described as “terrifying” because then Judiciary Committee Chairman Joe Biden privately asked him (Thomas) to offer to do likewise; “it terrified me because I knew I could not pass such a test” Thomas wrote; but then, without further discussion, in an apparent reversal, Biden “assured me that I would be confirmed, despite Miss Hill’s allegations.”


History does show that Thomas refused to take a polygraph test although Hill offered to do so. Never-the-less, it was a short-lived suggestion which quickly lost favor.


Thomas, currently, an ageing “born again Christian”, ended his narrative with the telling comment: “I can no longer serve my Almighty God, and certainly the Court, with such blatant moral decay – it haunts me still”.


Back in the day, as much as some people despised, or ridiculed Thomas, his confirmation was not strictly along party lines. He was nominated by Republican President Bush (‘Bush Sr.’) and was approved by a Senate “controlled” with a Democratic Majority. The confirmation vote was 52 Yes, to 48 No.


Although Republican, Associate Justice Clarence Thomas officially submitted a letter of resignation to Chief Justice John Roberts yesterday; the resignation has not yet been accepted by the President.


That bombshell was followed this afternoon, by the registration of another Court member and the only known beer connoisseur on the US Supreme Court, Brett Kavanaugh. FakeNews has learned that Associate Justice Kavanaugh’s Letter of Resignation (also drafted in the “Break Room”) to the Chief Justice noted that the Constitution provides that a Justices “shall hold their offices during good behavior”; a directive he concluded or determined he had been lacking, due to a constant state of intoxication since his 2nd full day on the Court.


This “condition” Kavanaugh concluded, “disqualifies me from being able to maintain the required state of good behavior”. Kavanaugh made no mention of September 2018, when clouds of suspicion steamed from accusations of sexual assault, sexual misconduct, and a number of ethics complaints that came to light during his confirmation hearing. However, he did lament repeatedly, about the well-known fact that of the 52 senators who voted yes for his confirmation, if combined, represent states covering only 44% of the U.S. population.


Within Kavanaugh’s rather lengthy Resignation Letter, he also voiced his opinion regarding the “stolen” seat that was held open during former President Obama’s tenure by a ‘blockade” conducted for nearly a year by then Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, who cited a previously nonexistent “tradition” of “tabling” nominations made in an election year. (In the 20th century alone, the Senate confirmed Supreme Court nominees in five different presidial election years 1912, 1916, 1932, 1940 and 1988).


Kavanaugh “expanded” his personal opinion by pointing out that, much like his own infamous confirmation situation, Associate Justice Neil Gorsuch had been confirmed by 54 senators who represent less than 45% of the US population . . .  A factor that, in Kavanaugh’s stated view, “should disqualify Gorsuch as a US Supreme Court Justice too”.

. .

Kavanaugh went on to point out that “three additional members of the Court, were similarly burdened with being approved to serve on the Supreme Court Bench by a thin majority of republican Senators that were elect by a minority of US Voters if weighed against the Senate’s Minority of sitting Democrats and the number of votes they received.”  


Kavanaugh completed his rant by pointing out that “for the first time since senators have been directly elected, a controlling majority of the Supreme Court has been put in-place by senators who most voters didn’t even vote for or elect to office. Worse, three (3) of the last five (5) Justices were nominated by a President who lost the popular vote by nearly 3 million votes” [an obvious “gouge” at the late President Trump, Sr].


Just when FakeNews was nearly convinced that such earth-shattering events could only mean someone was serving bad Cool-Aid in the proverbial “Break Room” of the Supreme Court. Delaware’s junior Republican Senator and recovering Prescription Drug Addict, Robert Hunter “H” Biden, announced on the floor of the Senate Friday afternoon that he and three like-minded Democrats were co-sponsoring a new Senate Bill that would reduce the US Supreme Court’s membership by four (4).  The number first set by the Judicial Circuits Act of 1801; thus, reducing the current Court’s membership to five (5) Justice’s.


“Otherwise”, Biden noted, “Democrats will easily Pack the Court after gaining the anticipated Majority in both houses of Congress and the Presidency, after the upcoming election”.


Biden, or “H” as he has insisted on being called since his political party affiliation switch less than a month after his father’s (former Pres. Joe Biden) presumed passing following the tragic disappearance of Marine One, has since had a flare for Political Drama; don’t you think?